4 min read
When Anger Takes Over
Have you ever said something in anger and later wished you could take it back?
Maybe someone said something that hurt you.
Maybe your child did the same thing you had already warned them about.
Maybe a family member misunderstood you after a long, tiring day.
At first it feels like a small irritation. Then your heart starts beating faster, your voice becomes louder, and sharp words come out. Suddenly, something that began as frustration turns into words that wound someone you love.
Anger is a normal human emotion. We cannot always control what happens around us or what makes us angry. But we can choose what we do with those feelings.
President Gordon B. Hinckley once asked: “Who can calculate the wounds inflicted, their depth and pain, by harsh and mean words spoken in anger?”
Anger may last only a few moments, but the wounds it creates can last much longer.
Anger Can Build Quietly
Anger does not always come suddenly. Sometimes it builds slowly.
One frustrating moment follows another. We keep thinking about what happened, replaying the conversation in our minds, and convincing ourselves that the other person was completely wrong. Soon the problem becomes much bigger in our minds than it was at the beginning.
Our bodies also respond. Muscles tense, the heart races, and breathing changes. These physical signs can become a quiet warning that we are getting closer to losing control. If we notice them early, we still have a chance to pause before anger turns into words or actions we later regret.
What Happens When We Act in Anger?
The scriptures give clear warnings about anger.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath.”_ Proverbs 15:1
“He that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”_ Proverbs 15:18
Anger rarely solves the problem that caused it. Instead, it often creates a new one.
A harsh word can damage trust.
Yelling can make a child afraid.
Constant criticism can make someone stop sharing their feelings.
When anger becomes physical, threatening, or abusive, the damage becomes even more serious. Uncontrolled anger can affect families, friendships, marriages, and the way we see ourselves.
Sometimes Anger Is Hiding Something Else
One reason anger is difficult to understand is that anger is not always the real feeling underneath.
Sometimes we are angry because we are hurt.
Sometimes we are afraid, rejected, embarrassed, disappointed, or ignored.
Instead of saying, “That really hurt me,” we become angry.
Instead of saying, “I am afraid this will go wrong,” we become controlling.
Instead of saying, “I feel like you don’t understand me,” we raise our voice.
Learning to recognise what is underneath our anger can help us respond differently. We can pause and ask ourselves:“What am I really feeling right now?”
That simple question can create space between the emotion and our reaction.
Jesus Christ Shows Us Another Way
The Savior did not teach that anger should control us. He taught peace, forgiveness, and love.
In the Book of Mormon He said: “Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.”_ 3 Nephi 11:30
His example shows us that true strength does not mean winning every argument.
Sometimes strength means lowering our voice.
Sometimes it means walking away before saying something hurtful.
Sometimes it means listening.
Sometimes it means choosing forgiveness when anger feels easier.
Following Christ does not mean we will never feel angry. It means learning a better way to respond when anger comes.
What Can We Do Before Anger Takes Control?
The most important moment is the moment we first notice our anger rising.
We can pause.
Take a deep breath.
Step away for a few minutes.
Pray.
Choose not to send the angry message immediately.
One simple prayer can make a difference: “Heavenly Father, help me respond with love instead of anger.”
When we notice the situations that repeatedly trigger our anger, we can prepare better responses before the next difficult moment arrives.
Changing Takes Time
For someone who has struggled with anger for years, simply deciding to “calm down” may not be enough. Real change takes time.
We may need to recognise our patterns, take responsibility for our reactions, repair relationships, and practise responding differently. Most importantly, we can invite Jesus Christ into that change. Through prayer, scripture study, and greater closeness to the Savior, our hearts can gradually become more patient, kind, and gentle.
A Soft Answer Can Change a Relationship
Imagine coming home after a difficult day. Someone says something irritating, and your first reaction is to answer sharply.
కానీ దానికి బదులుగా, మీరు ఆగుతారు. మీ ఎదురుగా ఉన్న వ్యక్తి కూడా మీరు చూడలేని ఏదో ఒక భారం మోస్తున్నారని గుర్తుచేసుకుంటారు. మీరు మీ గొంతు తగ్గించి, దయను ఎంచుకుంటారు.
That one decision may seem small, but small decisions shape relationships.
A soft answer can stop an argument before it becomes a fight.
Patience can prevent words that cannot be taken back.
Choosing love can protect something far more important than being right.
We Can Learn to Live with More Peace
Anger may always be something we have to manage from time to time, but it does not have to control our lives.
The same person who once reacted quickly can learn to pause.
The parent who once shouted can learn to speak calmly.
The person who carried resentment can learn to forgive.
Jesus Christ offers more than a command to control our temper. He offers transformation. As we come closer to Him, we can become more patient, more gentle, and more capable of choosing peace.
The real goal is not simply to become people who feel less angry, but to become people who respond more like the Savior when anger comes.
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