My name is Xiomara López, I am Venezuelan and today I live in Brazil. I will tell you about my journey of how I came to know the Church and everything that happened to me to become who I am today. 

It all started when I was nine years old. I learned about the Church through an aunt who attended it. The missionaries were teaching there, and she took my sister and me to see it too. We really enjoyed it. We were in Primary at the time and we were very excited.

But at that time, my mother didn't give her permission for us to be baptized. My aunt, who took us, was baptized along with those who were old enough, and attended church for a while, but then it became inactive, and we never visited each other again.

Seven years later, the missionaries returned to visit her home to reactivate her ministry and teach her children, who were now old enough to be baptized. I was sixteen at the time and began attending the classes and lectures again. When I was invited to be baptized, I said yes, that I wanted to be baptized. This time my mother gave her permission, and my sister and I were baptized.

Years of activity and mission

We started attending church, and everything was so beautiful. For me, it was wonderful. I was very active, participating in seminary and institute, and my goal, since joining the Church, was to be a missionary. I always said that I wouldn't get married until I served a mission: first the mission, then marriage.

So I prepared myself because I knew I had this calling. My mother didn't want to support me going because I was already in college and had a stable job, and she preferred that I get married first. Even so, I went on my mission, and it was the best time of my life.

The mission, as it is for many, was very special to me. I tried to do my best during that time, and I keep all those experiences in my heart.

A difficult marriage and the pain of judgment.

When I returned home, I fell in love and got married in the temple. But things didn't work out, and it was a very difficult time in my life because I had envisioned something different. I thought I was doing everything right.

When things got really difficult in my marriage, I felt a lot of judgment. My husband was a church leader, and many things happened. I trusted him completely, and I felt a great deal of disappointment. I was in a lot of pain because I felt that people who had known me for many years were giving credence to certain things. I spoke with the leaders and told them I needed help, and it was all very difficult.

I ended up getting sick. I went through a very difficult period because I fell into a very, very strong state of depression and anxiety. I couldn't walk, eat, or breathe. It was a very complicated situation. The doctors did many tests on me to find out what was happening because I was losing my physical strength and was very thin. The conclusion was that it was my nervous system, a case of depression and anxiety.

One day, I stood in front of a mirror and thought, “That’s not me. I’m not that person.” I accepted the diagnosis, which was very difficult for me. Then I thought, “I’m not happy, and I have to change that. I have to go back to being who I was.”

The first thing I did was decide to separate from my husband, get a divorce, and focus on recovering. I already had my two children, who were still very young. I thought, "They need me, a mother who is well." And that's why I got divorced. But things didn't improve much for me in the Church, and I ended up drifting away.

Years away — but never denying the testimony.

I was away from the Church for many years. But I never denied my testimony. My testimony never left me, even though I didn't receive the best treatment from some leaders. That didn't shake my testimony. I always knew that the Church's doctrine was perfect.

I remarried, to someone who wasn't a member of the Church. At home, we had respect; as a family, we were closer. But, over time, things changed, and we ended up separating.

We left Venezuela, and I wasn't active. Even before leaving, I had already felt that something was missing in my life, that I needed to return to myself, to that part that has always been the most important: the spiritual part.

The reunion: a door that opened in Peru.

When I arrived in Peru, I was looking for direction, a guide. One day, I took a different route home and passed by a chapel; it was the Manuel Prado wing in Arequipa. They were cleaning the place, and the door opened. I felt I could go in, and I did.

The spirit there was so strong. I cried a lot that day. I sat for a while, meditating, feeling the Spirit. And, from that day until today, I have been active.

I didn't have clothes to go to the chapel. When we left Venezuela, we came with very little clothing, and I didn't even have proper shoes, just some very colorful ones, which were all I could find in Venezuela to wear out. I went in pants. But, at that moment, what mattered was that I was there.

At the first sacrament meeting, I felt such a strong spirit. The hymns, the talks, everything. I felt again what I felt when I was active. That's why I kept going, being there and strengthening myself again. I was firm because, whether I was a member or not, I wasn't going to let anyone interfere with my relationship with the Church.

The members were very kind to me. They supported me, visited my home, and bought me my first dresses, which I wore after a long time to go to chapel. They did this as a gift. I have always been very grateful for that. Today I am here, serving in Relief Society and giving back all the affection I received in the form of service to other sisters. 

What I learned: forgiveness, focus on Christ, and a new woman.

Today I love my life and everything that has happened. I think all of this happened so that I could become the woman I am today: a woman with more courage, more peace, who lives more calmly and is more focused on Jesus Christ.

Nowadays, I think differently about others, about leaders, about members. I've learned a lot about forgiveness, about judgment, and about leadership. I understand that leaders are people like all of us, with flaws and also with virtues. I'm no longer so focused on judgments. 

I always try to follow the prophet, I really enjoy the conference talks and my stake leaders, who give such powerful messages. I especially enjoy listening to people's talks on Sundays, when they share their own experiences and what they have learned.

I'm more focused now on something different: not so much on how other people do things, but on Jesus Christ himself. These are changes that are shaping my life and my focus. Now I see everything differently. For me, the most important thing has become the teaching and the things I myself can learn and do.

The family that the Church gave me

When I joined the Church as a young girl, it was a very special time because I made many friends who are still my friends today. They are like blood relatives, truly. They are all active, and I learned a lot from them. Some even live here in Brazil with me today. One of them is no longer with us. We shared many experiences together. They are like aunts and cousins ​​to Valentina, my daughter, and our relationship is very strong. All of this was thanks to the Church, to the large family I formed there, and to the leaders. I also had very good leaders who strengthened my testimony.

I always think: how much I've learned! I've learned and I continue to learn. There are so many, many things.

When my story started being shared, I was very moved to read the comments and see that many people identified with what I went through. Many people are going through the same things, or have already gone through them and returned to the Church. For me, that was very significant. I hope my story inspires other people. I'm not one to show off, to take pictures and post them, but I saw that it was important to share, because I realized that it touches people's hearts, and that's good.

Children and the hope that remains.

One of the greatest and most wonderful things for me has been watching my children grow up. I have a son who is still inactive. He is a very special person, with very high principles. He was also a leader at one point. Right now, he's not going to church, but I have hope that he will return, and I believe he will.

And it was wonderful to see my Valentina being baptized here in Brazil. When she told me, “I want to be a missionary,” I thought, “I have to support her, because I know how important it is to serve a mission and all that she will learn.” I am so grateful that this happened. Today she is a strong member, striving to live the gospel as God commands.

And I continue serving, now seeing things differently than when it all happened. I think all of this was a learning experience, a great learning experience, to make me the woman I am today.

This article was written based on the account of Sister Xiomara López.

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